I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
