Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
