ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
