Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
