I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
