Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
