I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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