i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
