Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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