i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
