I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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