My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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