you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
