we're blogging at a bar
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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