Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
