mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
