i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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