Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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