He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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