I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
