we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
