Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
