Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
