He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
