This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
