hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
