i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
