you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
