yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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