Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
