she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
