Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
