I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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