OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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