my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
