your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
