Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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