Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
