OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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