You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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