Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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