if only i could text you this smell
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
