Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
