How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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