you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
