That's intense
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
