i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
