i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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