I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
