i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
