Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
