I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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