I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
