So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
